Making a sacrifice or being sacrificed

There are many Filipinas who have been in Singapore for ten years or more and they do not appear to be in a hurry to go home for good. Is it because they have no more emotional ties to their country? Or is it because their family continue to demand their continual sacrifice?

It seems possible that a fair number are not at all homesick. Only yesterday I met Donna an FDW who has been in Singapore for 15 years and has been home on vacation only 3 times. I asked her if she did ever feel homesick and she said yes. After 15 years, assuming she earned $400 a month, her total income would amount to $72,000. If she deposited her money in the bank, the actual amount would be higher because of the interest earned.

But of course, as she explained, her family depended on her for financial support. Anyway, she had bought 2 hectares of farm land and a lot for a house. After 15 years she had still not begun to build her house. Her two brothers were managing the farm and during harvest time, they had as many as 10 labourers to help out! Her share of the farm produce went to the support of her parents. She herself did not get a single centavo from the farm which was bought with her earnings. If she went home now and managed her farm, they would probably be calling her Do¤a instead of Donna.

I admire Donna and others like her for the sacrifice they make for their loved ones. But I think they are not being fair to her. Most of her siblings are already married and have their own family. But this young lady (35 years of age) is still single not because she is not eligible for she is certainly a good looker. Her childhood sweetheart had married someone else because after four years in Singapore when she was only 24 and of marriageable age, her presence in Singapore was still so important to her family.

Are you like Donna, working for those you love? It is a noble act, but is it necessary? Perhaps Donna's family did not really know what she has to go through just so that they can have more to spend. There is never enough as Maria once explained to me.

Maria was married with two children. Both she and her husband were working and their combined income (around 8,000 pesos) was enough for the family. But if they wanted to be sure their children would have a good education, they would need more and Maria volunteered to work in Singapore as a domestic helper. Her salary alone would exceed their combined income.

When she first came, she missed her husband badly, but the thought of giving her children a good education gave her strength to pursue her dream. Of course, she could not save all of her income, since her husband's income alone (about 5,000 pesos) was not much. So she sent home just enough plus a little extra - for the children's birthday parties, for Christmas, etc. But soon even the 5,000 pesos she sent home was not enough and she had to send more money home. Her husband could not explain why 8,000 pesos was enough when she was at home and now 10,000 pesos was not enough. And before long, 4 years was too short a time to save for the children's education and she needed to stay two more years, and then two more years.

Are you like the countless Marys and Donnas? Did you plan to stay only 4 years but find yourself still here after 10 years? Are you making a sacrifice for your loved ones or are you wasting your life here? A sacrifice is a small price you pay in the present in order to reap a big reward in the future.

In Singapore we know the meaning of sacrifice. Not so long ago, a woman whose husband took home a small pay, would work hard doing the laundry for neighbours in order to give her children a good education. (Even today, many Singaporeans still cannot give their children a good education.) When the eldest child graduated from university and shared her financial burden and helped the younger siblings get a good education, the woman was richly rewarded.

Are you making a sacrifice so that you and your loved ones will have a better future? Your loved one share in your sacrifice too, for your husband misses you just as much as you miss hime and your children are deprived of the love of a mother. But if at the end of the day, you and your loved ones have a better future, you can be happy knowing you have done the right thing.

If after 4 or 6 years, you cannot call it quits and go home to spend time with your family or to start a family of your own, then you are a sacrifice yourself, a sacrifice for the convenience of those who claim they love you.