On-the-Job-Training Planning to Retire? Pro-Employer, Pro-FDW Do barking dogs bite? Is your job recession-proof? Importance of Job Reference Shopping for a Good Agency FDW Entrepreneurs After Singapore, what then? Really Single? Stress kills, not work Sacrificing or Sacrificed Overcoming Adversity Make money, lose money strip search One Dollar FDW of the Decade Power - FDW has it, too Help! False prophets Psycho Abuse Suffering in Silence Ads can deceive Standard Contracts Health or Job? Listen with ur eyes How to score at job interview Neither a borrower ..... Part of Family? Why say no when one means yes No trust, no stay Relationship Is the customer always right? Thrifty is not a dirty word Culture Gap Single or Married? Dear FDW Home |
Why call yourself asingle mother when you are really marriedIn the course of interviewing an applicant for a job, I often come across someone who says she is single. When I ask her "how many children do you have?", some look at me in a strange way and reply: "Sir, I am single!" As if saying to me, "Didn't I tell you earlier, that I am single? So why do you ask me that silly question? Of course, the answer is No!"On the other extreme, I also do meet someone who says without hesitation, "I am a single mother of two." This just happened very recently. And, as it turned out, Anna, the young woman in question, lost her first job in Singapore because in her application she mentioned that she was single but her employer later found out that she had two children. Employer thought that she was a liar. It was as if Anna had something to hide! But Anna was not trying to hide her past, after all, she did not hesitate to tell me that she was a single mother. What is a single mother? Is she divorced, separated or never married? In Anna's case, she said that she lived with her children's father for seven years until she and the man split up, as often happens nowadays, all over the world. Though Anna and her partner just lived together without going through the formality of a proper marriage, a marriage solemnised by a priest and witnessed by family, relatives and friends, she was just as married as someone who had a church or city hall marriage. Among more conservative people, Anna would look better if she said that she was separated, not divorced because most people would think that in the Philippines, no divorce is permitted. Marriages do get annulled in the Philippines, no matter what the church says. Is annulment another word for divorce? Anyway, being separated sounds more respectable than being a single (and therefore unmarried mother). Anna would not be telling a lie if she said she was separated from her husband, yes, husband, after seven years of living together raising a family, living together as man and wife. You see, some marriages are solemnised in church followed by a big celebration but some marriages are such a simple matter. A man and a woman just live together and raise a family, just like other couples whose marriages are solemnised and witnessed by family, friends and relatives. And even though their marriage, which is usually referred to as a common-law marriage, is not witnessed by friends and relatives, the neighbours who see the couple living together and later with their children as well, regard them as husband and wife. And the concept of common-law marriage (which lacks a piece of paper) is widely accept in different countries, so Anna and others like her, should avoid giving conservative employers the impression that she is not respectable. She is clearly different from someone whose children never set eyes on their father. So dear FDW, do not say you are single mother or that you are living in with a man. Say that you are married. |