Do not be overcome with self-pity!

Elizabret (or Bret for short), the young girl Laila was paid to care for, was so different. She did not ask for anything; she demanded it. As an only child, she was treated like a princess by her parents, especially her mother, who had tried so many times before she finally was able to conceive. Bret was so used to having her own way and if Laila did not give way to her, she would lash at her with hurtful words like "stupid". Laila felt so powerless and pleaded with me to transfer her.

I discouraged her and persuaded her to try harder, to treat a transfer as a last resort. You see, Laila was not totally powerless, as she thought. She only felt helpless because she did not recognise her own power. If she was not as powerful as the situation demanded, she could always learn to increase her power.

Of course, if Bret continually behaved like a brat, Laila would have no incentive to stay on. But as she told me, Bret was sometimes quite good and likeable. After all, she was a child and there is something loveable about every child. So after our heart-to-heart talk, Laila agreed to try and to report to me on her progress and we would then assess her situation.

I was so happy the next time I saw Laila; she was much happier. She related to me what happened after our last meeting. I will let Laila tell her own story.


Laila's Story

I was very hurt the first time Bret called me 'stupid' and her mother said 'Never mind. Bret is only a little girl and does not mean what she says. She calls me stupid, too.'

I found it so hard to accept her explanation. My two children never called me or anyone else stupid. But I needed the money, my children needed the money and I realised that I really needed to stay. If I went to another family, I might have the same problem or maybe a different kind of problem. I realised that I had to learn to adjust and should ask for a transfer only if I had no choice.

So the next time, Bret called me stupid, I pretended I was not hurt. 'Pretend you're happy when you're blue,' I thought to myself, 'It isn't very hard to do.' But there was one thing that Bret enjoyed very much - the delicious food I prepared for her. She loved my spaghetti with meatballs and Romano cheese. On good days, when I told her that I would prepare for her my specialty, I could see her face light up with anticipation and I could imagine saliva drooling from her mouth.

So one day, after I had not prepared my special dish for Bret for a couple of weeks, she asked for it. I cannot explain it, but the answer came to me even without my thinking, it was automatic.

'Bret, I am sorry I cannot prepare for you spaghetti with meatballs and Romano cheese because I am stupid,' I answered, anticipating some dramatic reaction from her.

Much to my surprise, Bret did not protest or shout or call me names. She did not throw a tantrum and stamp on the floor. Instead, she was very quiet and did not say anything for a long time, as if she was thinking.

Finally she said to me in a soft, gentle voice, 'You are not stupid.' I think she meant it. I think she was sorry for calling me stupid and I forgave her with all my heart.

But I wanted so much to hear her say it again and asked for her confirmation saying, 'Are you sure I am not stupid?' and to my joy, she reaffirmed what she had earlier said, this time in a firmer tone.

In reciprocation, I said that I would try to prepare her favourite dish. 'If it is delicious, then maybe I am not so stupid,' I said to her.

When I finally laid the plate of spaghetti prepared with loving care on the table, Bret was visibly pleased, she lapped up everything with gusto. I knew from that moment onward, I was no longer stupid to her. She never again called me stupid.

Finally I understood what St Paul meant when he wrote to the Romans, "Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good." I gave the little girl a new name. From that day onward, she was to me Elizabeth or Beth for short.

End, Laila's story


When we next talked about her situation a couple of months later, Laila proudly told me she had learnt from cook books more dishes and that Beth enjoyed them all. Laila realised that much of her power came with her ability to prepare dishes Beth enjoyed.

And now I understand what the Romans meant when they said "Amor omnia vincit" - love conquers all.