Does a barking dog bark?

FDW feels that her employer is a nagger but from the employer's point of view, FDW is absent-minded and needs to be reminded. She does not feel she is nagging. Usually the employer in question is a local employer. In my opinion, a local employer is more likely to be a "nagger" than an expatriate employer. In fact, often a local employer would actually scold her domestic helper if she is forgetful or does not perform to Madam's expecations. Worse, some even abuse their helper verbally or physically.

Most FDWs that I have come across believe that an expatriate employer does not nag or scold her domestic helper. This is probably true much of the time. Westerners no longer live in a feudal society, where there are aristocrats and there are peasants, where people are not equal. The aristocrats in days gone by were more equal than the peasants. That was before 1789 for in that year the people of France rose up against their king (just like the people of the Philippines did in 1986 when people power overthrew an unpopular president). The French revolutionaries abolished the monarchy and the country was thereafter ruled by the people, by members of parliament elected by the people. Other European countries heard the message of the French revolutionaries: "Liberty, equality, fraternity." Many too abolished the monarchy and established a republic ruled by the people. Those who kept their throne were merely figure heads. The elected Prime Minister, not the monarch (King or Queen) exercised real power, as in the U.K., for example. In the United States they do not even have a monarch at all.

Therefore it is not surprising that westerners do not talk down to their domestic helpers, generally. After all, all men and women are created equal, they believe. Those who talk down to their domestic helpers probably also talk down to others and are in a minority. Maybe they are descended from royalty and like their ancestors, do not believe in equality among men.

Many domestic helpers who register with Inter-Mares do so because we are popular with expats. They prefer to work for expats because they are nice - they do not nag or scold. By expats they usually mean westerners but they are slowly realising that expats come in different colours.

But many FDWs need to be reminded that a dog that does not bark is more dangerous than one that barks. Imagine yourself visiting a friend or relative living in a barrio. Most houses are not fenced in and some have dogs. If you walk too close to the house, the dog, if there is one, will bark. Will you be irritated by the the all the threatening noise made by the dog? Or will you be grateful that the dog is giving you a warning: "Do not come any nearer, do not cross the line"? Many years ago, before the HDB replaced the kampongs with the housing estates, I would often wander around in kampongs (which are not unlike your barrios) and I always was grateful to be warned by a bark, which told me that somewhere there was a dog waiting to bite me if I crossed the line. My brother was actually bitten by a dog. This dog did not bark first, but simply attacked when my brother went too close to its domain.

Now, with the wisdom of hind sight, I could have advised my brother, "Keep your eyes open for dogs that do not bark. Just because you do not hear any dog barking, does not mean that there is no dog waiting to attack you when you cross the line." But this experience is not wasted, for I do advise my recruits before they start working for an expat:

"When you go to work for an employer who treats you like an equal, who does not nag or scold, you must keep your eyes and ears open. If your employer does not scold or nag, it does not mean that she will not mind if you do not do you work well. Remember that you have made a bargain with her. She pays you a salary and you perform the household chores and other duties for her. If you do not come up to her expectation, she will not be pleased. She will not scold you to let you know she is not pleased, but she will probably express herself through body language. Look out for signs of her disappointment or displeasure. Evaluate your own performance. Can you say honestly that you are doing a good job? Can you see that you are not crossing the line?"

Unfortunately, some FDWs do not benefit from this advice and now and again an employer will say to her underperforming domestic helper: "I am sorry Maria, but things are not working out. Please go and look for another situation where you will be more suitable."

I hope this will not happen to you if you do go and work for an employer who treats you like an equal and does not nag or scold.