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Dear Disappointed,
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You do deserve someone better, someone who really earns her keep and not one
with manipulative soulful eyes who depends on your good nature to stay
employed instead of doing what you pay her to do. Ma Lhudie might have come
to Singapore to work, to contribute to the family kitty so that her four
children might have a better life.
If she did indeed make a sacrifice, as many foreign domestic workers claim to do, by leaving family behind and putting up with loneliness, you can be sure that at this moment the sacrifice motive is very weak: now she lives only for herself and Solimon. She has forgotten her husband and she has shoved her children into the background. Hoping against hope, your agent agreed to give her a pep talk and set her on the straight and narrow so that she would have another chance to go work for another family and continue to send home money to her four children. Your agent was at first not disposed to agree because he thought her behaviour, neglecting your daughter, inexcusable. He felt that she was irresponsible to be out of your house when you went on vacation. If she went to work for another family, she was sure to land in trouble again. However, as you would agree, Ma Lhudie's sad eyes and almost Oscar-worthy performances were convincing. So when your agent gave her a scolding for her behaviour, she explained away her tele gossips by saying, quite convincingly, that mobile phone time was expensive and her hard-earned money was better spent on her children's needs than on gossip. She only used the mobile only when necessary, she said. As for not being at home when you returned from Bintan, well, she admitted the error of her way and regretted it and her penitent eyes gave hope that she had learnt her lesson. Thinking that she had learnt her lesson, your agent therefore thought it would be alright to help her find another job, on condition that she admitted that she was fired after her employer found that she had abandoned her duties, for that is what her act amounted to. But after 3 interviews in 3 days, she had not succeeded in landing a job. A woman like her should be in demand. Did the three prospective employers decline to hire her in the belief that a leopard's spots never changed? She could have had more interviews but she continued to do something your husband had earlier observed - disappearing. On the fourth day she did not return to her agent's house but slept in with "her cousin" (presumably another foreign domestic worker, though it ain't necessarily so) without so much as by your leave. As far as your agent was concerned she had breached one of the most important rules: Do not stay out overnight with your "cousin." So he lost confidence in her, seeing her as totally lacking in self-discipline and concluded her further presence in Singapore would do no one any good. You agreed because by then you had learnt more about her. You found an unpaid M1 phone bill, showing her indebted to the phone company to the tune of $500! So that is how she was able to indulge in her tele courtship with Solimon, gaving Elaine's teacher reason to say that she was not good for your child. Talk is cheap if you do not have to pay the bill. By then you had also concluded that Solimon had bribed your little Elaine with Waltz ice-cream, certainly not your favourite brand, when at the supermarket she asked you to get that brand. And you were surprised when she asked for Cherry brand sweets, a brand totally unknown to you. Didn't you instruct Ma Lhudie not to give Elaine sweets or other junk? You were motivated by a sense of fair play when you asked your agent to help her but you probably realise that no one could help your maid, any maid, unless she was willing to help herself. One could give Ma Lhudie a lecture but it would do no good because while she was very good at pretending that she was impressed, she would not make an effort to change. You could bring Ma Lhudie to the water, but you could not make her drink. She just kept on disappearing. What had gone wrong? You followed the advice of your fellow expats not to hire someone who had stayed too long in Singapore. Ma Lhudie had not worked for an expatriate before and her employer had always been madam to her and not Mary or Vicky. But I think Ma Lhudie was an exception. She was a natural. To understand your problem, ask yourself why a young woman would want to leave her country and her folks to work in a foreign country in an occupation that even the less affluent among the locals would avoid. Consider two sets of possible motives:
Watch out for those are not motivated by a desire to achieve a small degree of financial independence, but for a non-financial motive.
The lists are not exhaustive by any means. There are other motives which do not belong to either category and we will not attempt to delve into them. But clearly those who are motivated by financial gain are more likely to try harder to succeed. The others will probably give up if they encounter some problem for there is no true motivation, unless they acquire a new motive in the meantime: form an emotional attachment here with a man. When this happens, they may be a liability, though not necessarily so.
Durian is a prized fruit native to
this part of the world.
Did her previous employer Mrs See Fah let her go because she knew about
Solimon or because she herself had lost her job? One can never be sure. Mrs
See Fah might be viewed as paranoid if she dismissed Ma Lhudie just because
she befriended a man called Solimon. Contrary to expectation, her
relationship with Solimon might actually turn out to be a blessing, as the
case of However, Mrs See Fah, perhaps could see below the surface or perhaps is like some Singaporeans, afraid to lose out. Perhaps she had already concluded long ago that a maid plus a boyfriend equaled trouble. If you are fair minded and have a high regard for the rights of others, especially the underdog, you will tend to sympathise with someone like Ma Lhudie and consider her previous employer unkind. And the more you disapproved of Mrs See Fah, the more you sympathised with Ma Lhudie and she could sense that; and sensing that, she took advantage of you. So it turned out that your being considerate to Ma Lhudie worked against you. You did not give her so much to do because you were treating her as you would have your boss treat you. Mrs See Fah would probably say giving her less to do would only let her have more time for mischief.
But fortunately for every woman like Ma Lhudie there are so many more who
really do a good job. As a matter of fact, the foreign domestic worker is a
boon to a working mother and compares very favourably with her predecessor,
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Ma Lhudie is a mix - she would
undoubtedly like to send money home to her four children and possibly was
not terribly happy with her lot at home and was looking for an escape. As
long as she worked for a watchful employer who gave her little freedom to
indulge her fantasy she was okay. Her first objective was satisfied: she
could send money home to her four children. But there is still this
unsatisfied motive probably arising from her less than satisfactory
relationship with her husband. So when Solimon came along and chatted her up
and was gentle and kind to her, she fell like a ripe durian.